Yesterday, I sat across the table and had a conversation with my dad, as we often do late at night. His eyes glimmered, his mouth forming an uptick smile, and he talked. He talked about computers, as he often likes to: general assembly, CPU quality, Intel, registers, C, C++, Pascal, and so much more. It is rare that when we land on this topic I come to any greater understanding about it than before. However, this time it was different.
One of my favorite phrases, “ask smart people stupid questions,” comes from a podcast: Ologies. I truly think that applying that phrase to my conversation with my dad transformed the dynamic. No longer was I a confused 10 year old kid, zoning out at my dad’s drawings and mind-maps of computer programming. While I concede the age piece helps (I’m older now), I also shifted my mindset. This time, I made the decision to really pay attention, I engaged in what may be more widely recognized as active listening. As he spoke, I would occasionally interject to paraphrase or ask open-ended questions to better my understanding.
I generally consider myself to be an active listener in every other aspect of my life–with friends, with peers at school, and with coworkers–it is typically hard for me to actively listen when it’s something I’m “not interested” in. But that’s just the thing. Sure, I have no interest in it becoming my occupation, but I never allowed myself to be intrigued. I never entertained the idea of it being interesting, because I anticipated it being banal. If you can get past that mental roadblock and give the other conversationalist the benefit of the doubt, you’re setting yourself up for success, despite what the outcome of the exchange is.
I don’t think I came out of the conversation with my dad more enthralled with computer science. I do, however, comprehend it a bit better which is more invaluable than any trace of enjoyment or pleasure I always tried to weed out of the subject.
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