The Cambridge Dictionary defines perfectionism as “the wish for everything to be correct or perfect” and as a self-proclaimed perfectionist, that description is pretty accurate. It’s been this way for as long as I can remember, so it’s no surprise that when I first became a tutor those particular tendencies followed me, especially when I first began leading sessions. I found that I’d overthink every sentence, once again striving for things to be just so. However, time has passed since then and as I enter my third year as a tutor, my philosophy has somewhat changed. And if any other perfectionists are reading, I recommend you do too.
As a tutor, lots goes through your mind at the start of a session. You may find yourself wondering how to start the conversation, or how to best connect with the material. These are normal concerns, especially if you’re new to tutoring. When we tutor, the goal is heping the tutee work through the material. However, that goes deeper than right versus wrong. It’s about how you work through the material, and the example you’re setting for them. Now, it’s not your job to become a role model on the fly. But, if you conduct yourself a certain way when faced with challenges, the tutee may be compelled to tackle issues in that same way.
It also helps to show the tutee that you also struggle with things. Everyone has topics they aren’t confident in, and that’s exactly why we operate based off of funds of knowledge in the Learning Center. When we work that way, it shows the tutee that they are on the same level as the tutor, and that the two of you can tackle the material together. The part of that which directly conflates with the perfectionist ideology I mentioned earlier is being okay with being a little bad at something. Of course, while tutoring it’s important that the information we’re telling the tutee is correct. But what I mean is showing that you don’t know everything. While that’s easier said than done, it makes a difference.
I still remember the session that taught me that. The tutee came in with a science worksheet. Even though science isn’t my thing, I helped them out. I could tell we were both nervous, so I took things slowly. Later into the session we were labeling diagrams, and as I was comparing the structure of DNA versus RNA, I pointed to one part and said the name of the part that was next to it instead. I quickly corrected myself and apologized, expecting them to be confused. But instead they looked at me and said “I thought I was the only one.” At first, I was confused but I realized they were talking about being wrong. From then on, the nervousness melted away and we ended up finishing the worksheet. So while in the moment that mix up felt catastrophic, all it did was show the tutee that it’s ok to make mistakes.
The point being that allowing yourself to learn and grow with other people very well may lead to more success than if you were to just power through in search of the right answer. So, let yourself mix up your words a little. Work through failures instead of freezing at them. Get comfortable with making mistakes so that when they occur, you can laugh them off. After all, learning to be okay with messing up may be the most perfect thing you do.
